Families Pass on More than Just Genetics

Genograms
Learning about genograms was highly interesting to me. I have never heard of a genogram before, nor did I know that you could illustrate the personal relationships that occurred. Creating a genogram causes you to ponder what patterns exist in your family. Lack of control over anger has been something that I see being passed on throughout the generations of my family. My mom's grandpa had alcohol problems and anger problems. Her dad (my grandpa) also expressed anger in an explosive way, but the alcoholism problem did not persist. However, my uncles (my mom's brothers) made a conscious effort to not be like their dad and they do not have anger-controlling problems. Concerning the other side of my family, my dad struggles with controlling his temper, and I've seen the same behavior occur in all of my siblings but me. I deal with anger more like my mom does--I just cry. :) But, I've made the decision not to marry someone with anger problems. It's interesting to see what behaviors we inherit from our family and how they aren't necessarily genetic, but more nurture than nature.

Family as a Whole

Looking for a Cause
Most of the time when family conflicts arise or just conflicts in general, people seek to identify who the bad guy is. Whose fault is it? Who do we blame? But in a family or in any relationship, it shouldn't be who caused what, it should be what pattern is occurring and how can it be resolved. Identifying the "perpetrator" does not really solve much. The battle of "I'm right and you're wrong" only ends in a tired struggle with the couple or family no closer to becoming functional and happy again.
Not Only the Individual
When trying to solve a problem within a family, you cannot only focus on the individuals directly affected, but the whole family. For example, if one member of the family is struggling with an eating disorder, you cannot only work with that individual to help them overcome the disorder. Especially if they are a young teen at home, the family needs to be involved to discourage the behaviors related to the disorder and to see if their opinions or behaviors are contributing to the disorder.

Parents' Responsibility Over Children

A comment was made on Friday asking how responsible we are for our children--namely the children we choose not to have. I found this to be very intriguing, and I had never thought about children in this way. The decline in birth rates has become a social trend, and is affecting our individual choices on the number of children we choose to have--or if we choose to have them at all. We tend to think that our choices don't affect others, but this is so very incorrect. Children that could have been born to good parents who love them and can provide for them are instead born into unstable families that cannot support their physical nor emotional needs. These children grow up, not properly raised, and become members of our society. They do not know how to contribute to society, and instead put a drain on society, sometimes living lives of crime, homelessness, and with an air of mistrust and defiance. Your choices are not just your own to make, especially when considering the life of another.

The Challenge to Become

This weekend I shared with some of my roommates what I learned from the article "The Challenge to Become" by Elder Oaks. I think that it is a very common idea for many members of the church to think of merely our choices and actions that determine our Final Judgment. Never before have I thought of it as who we become and not what we have done; and neither had my roommates. But again, it's a simple truth that rings true within me. It's common sense to suppose that the Lord won't ask us if we did 100% home teaching/visiting teaching, or if we were the Bishop/Relief Society President, or how many service projects we conducted. He cares about our end condition. Do we radiate with joy? Do we glow with the Spirit? Have we truly taken upon the name of our Savior Jesus Christ? Do we fully represent Him?
I read the article once more, and focused on the word exaltation versus salvation. Being in the world, we are surrounded by media, advertisements, and daily interactions with people who cause us to focus only on ourselves. What about me? Why me? Why aren't I happy? Why is this happening to me? While we may be "saved" if we focus purely on our endeavors, we won't have our family with us unless we are exalted. Exaltation requires being sealed for all time and eternity to our family. But that's just not it. We need to progress with them throughout this life, because that is what we will be doing in the next life: becoming. The family is key in this. No family, no exaltation. It's another plain and simple truth. We need to aid our family members in this. We help them the most in their development to become. Instead of criticizing our family members, we should uplift them and make positive suggestions that benefit the family as a whole. Together we can help each other on the road to become.