What We Usually Do
When a child misbehaves, or even an adult, how do we react? My friend has a roommate who often feels that her roommates do not care about her. This roommate will sometimes react negatively and call her roommates names and make accusations against them. My friend and the other roommates often retreat and don't want anything to do with this certain roommate. From an outsider's perspective, this type of reaction could encourage the attention-seeking roommate.
What We Should Do
Bad behavior should not just simply be punished. Bad behavior is often the result of a need being unfulfilled. That need should be recognized before any sort of action is taken. With the example of the temper-tantrum roommate, my friend and the other roommates should take time to ponder why their roommate is acting is such a way and what needs this roommate may have. There are different steps to take instead of just punishing bad behavior.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Setting a Budget
Setting a Budget
I have never really had a budget. I always just knew not to spend more than I had, and so I never worried past that. However, as I'm getting older, I'm realizing that I could have saved a lot of my money that I just spent frivolously on things I didn't really need at the time.
Why Set a Budget?
Someone like me often asks, Why should I set a budget? How can it help me? Well, setting a budget can:
I have never really had a budget. I always just knew not to spend more than I had, and so I never worried past that. However, as I'm getting older, I'm realizing that I could have saved a lot of my money that I just spent frivolously on things I didn't really need at the time.
Why Set a Budget?
Someone like me often asks, Why should I set a budget? How can it help me? Well, setting a budget can:
- Help you track your money better
- Help you save money
- Prepare you for times when your money is tight
- Make you feel more in control of your spending habits
- Help you see the difference between your needs and your wants
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Communication
Different Types of Communication
The three different types of communication are:
1) Words
2) Tone
3) Nonverbal
There is a great quote in the movie Hitch: "60% of all human communication is nonverbal body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth."
I think that this greatly shows how the different types of communication influence interpretation. It also illustrates how easily misinterpretations can arise. Even words, the "10%" of communication, can have different meanings for different people. And even when you are using the "correct" words, if your tone or body language "betrays you", then the interpretation of what you are saying could bring about vastly different meanings.
How to Overcome Miscommunication
1) Make sure you have the person's attention. If either of you are distracted, then it will be harder to communicate and get your message across.
2) Think before you speak. This is easier said than done. But it's important to remind yourself of who you are speaking to, what your goal is to communicate, and what words may be misinterpreted.
3) Don't assume. Unless you say something, you usually cannot be entirely sure the other person knows what you're thinking, feeling, or whatever. Even after you are done speaking, you still can't assume that they got the full gist of your thoughts.
4) Be clear. Keep the message as simple as possible. Don't ramble or go on to a lot of extra details. You'll end up losing the person if you talk on and on and on on a tangent.
5) Listen. This is a key step. Communication is not a one-sided thing. It needs to involve more than one person, and once you are done speaking, you need to now give your full attention to the other person and make sure that they got what you were saying.
The three different types of communication are:
1) Words
2) Tone
3) Nonverbal
There is a great quote in the movie Hitch: "60% of all human communication is nonverbal body language; 30% is your tone, so that means 90% of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth."
I think that this greatly shows how the different types of communication influence interpretation. It also illustrates how easily misinterpretations can arise. Even words, the "10%" of communication, can have different meanings for different people. And even when you are using the "correct" words, if your tone or body language "betrays you", then the interpretation of what you are saying could bring about vastly different meanings.
How to Overcome Miscommunication
1) Make sure you have the person's attention. If either of you are distracted, then it will be harder to communicate and get your message across.
2) Think before you speak. This is easier said than done. But it's important to remind yourself of who you are speaking to, what your goal is to communicate, and what words may be misinterpreted.
3) Don't assume. Unless you say something, you usually cannot be entirely sure the other person knows what you're thinking, feeling, or whatever. Even after you are done speaking, you still can't assume that they got the full gist of your thoughts.
4) Be clear. Keep the message as simple as possible. Don't ramble or go on to a lot of extra details. You'll end up losing the person if you talk on and on and on on a tangent.
5) Listen. This is a key step. Communication is not a one-sided thing. It needs to involve more than one person, and once you are done speaking, you need to now give your full attention to the other person and make sure that they got what you were saying.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Stress
Stress is something that affects every person, every group, every nation, and especially every family.
Variety of Forms
Stress comes in many different ways. Stress can come because of poor decisions we've made and the consequences are unwanted. Stress can come because of what other people have done, like a child running away from home. Stress can also be a result of circumstances that are just out of our control, like a death or illness.
Coping with Stress
Some ways of coping with stress are healthy and others not so much. Unhealthy ways include ignoring the stress or the problem causing stress, turning to drugs or alcohol, or pushing away concerned friends/family. Healthy ways are seeking help from friends/family/a therapist, using relaxation techniques, or exercising.
Seeing the Opportunity
Most of us dread having to deal with situations that bring about stress. However, the things that try us the most often bring us closer to our family or friends and cause us to value the things that matter most in life. When we endure a hardship, it opens our eyes to new perspectives and outlooks.
Variety of Forms
Stress comes in many different ways. Stress can come because of poor decisions we've made and the consequences are unwanted. Stress can come because of what other people have done, like a child running away from home. Stress can also be a result of circumstances that are just out of our control, like a death or illness.
Coping with Stress
Some ways of coping with stress are healthy and others not so much. Unhealthy ways include ignoring the stress or the problem causing stress, turning to drugs or alcohol, or pushing away concerned friends/family. Healthy ways are seeking help from friends/family/a therapist, using relaxation techniques, or exercising.
Seeing the Opportunity
Most of us dread having to deal with situations that bring about stress. However, the things that try us the most often bring us closer to our family or friends and cause us to value the things that matter most in life. When we endure a hardship, it opens our eyes to new perspectives and outlooks.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Infidelity
Fidelity
Once you commit to marriage, you also commit to several other things, one of them being fidelity. However, the breaking of this commitment is one of the most publicized and well-known acts. It seems that you cannot go anywhere without hearing or reading about how so-and-so cheated on so-and-so. Infidelity is so common-place that many marriages start out with the plan that their marriage won't last at all.
Causes of Infidelity
Obviously you don't wake up one morning and decide to cheat on your spouse. Like with anything bad or evil, it starts gradual. It could be a friend or a coworker, or just about anyone it seems. First you just start talking, and then talking turns into meeting up with them and having lunch, and then lunch turns into more phone calls, and more ways to meet up, and then you start telling this person about your hopes and dreams, and then you start comparing them to your spouse, and soon you've placed yourself in a compromising situation where you feel uncomfortable sharing this all with your spouse because you know how it looks, and it looks and is wrong.
Boundaries to Help Prevent Infidelity
The only sure-way to prevent infidelity is to set boundaries with your spouse. Should you ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex? Should you seek out to talk to friends of the opposite sex? What about friends of the same gender? Coworkers? Church friends and leaders? What will you do when you are placed in a compromising situation? Spouses need to talk with each other consistently to make sure that their marriage is being protected and remains secure.
Once you commit to marriage, you also commit to several other things, one of them being fidelity. However, the breaking of this commitment is one of the most publicized and well-known acts. It seems that you cannot go anywhere without hearing or reading about how so-and-so cheated on so-and-so. Infidelity is so common-place that many marriages start out with the plan that their marriage won't last at all.
Causes of Infidelity
Obviously you don't wake up one morning and decide to cheat on your spouse. Like with anything bad or evil, it starts gradual. It could be a friend or a coworker, or just about anyone it seems. First you just start talking, and then talking turns into meeting up with them and having lunch, and then lunch turns into more phone calls, and more ways to meet up, and then you start telling this person about your hopes and dreams, and then you start comparing them to your spouse, and soon you've placed yourself in a compromising situation where you feel uncomfortable sharing this all with your spouse because you know how it looks, and it looks and is wrong.
Boundaries to Help Prevent Infidelity
The only sure-way to prevent infidelity is to set boundaries with your spouse. Should you ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex? Should you seek out to talk to friends of the opposite sex? What about friends of the same gender? Coworkers? Church friends and leaders? What will you do when you are placed in a compromising situation? Spouses need to talk with each other consistently to make sure that their marriage is being protected and remains secure.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
First Year of Marriage/First Child Born
I briefly discussed what I learned in class with my family over the weekend. My boyfriend had some interesting insights that I felt would be beneficial to share:
"One trouble that newlywed couples run into occurs at the birth of their first child. The family dynamics radically change. What was once a single bilateral relationship, becomes three independent relationships. One of the problems that occur with the development of these relationships is due to the inherently close relationship of the mother-child relationship. The husband and father can begin to view this relationship with jealousy because that relationship is often built by neglecting the two relationships that he is a part of. There are several ways to avoid marginalizing the husband in the family when the first child is born.
"Your mother (he was referring to my mother) made it sound very simple, 'You feed them, and he changes their diaper, and there you both have a relationship with the child.' While this answer is simple, it gets to a fundamentally strong suggestion, by allowing the father to help with daily regular chores with the child he can begin to develop a relationship with the child, and by giving his wife the time away from the child to recoup, she can spend additional time and is inspired to preserve her relationship with her husband."
"One trouble that newlywed couples run into occurs at the birth of their first child. The family dynamics radically change. What was once a single bilateral relationship, becomes three independent relationships. One of the problems that occur with the development of these relationships is due to the inherently close relationship of the mother-child relationship. The husband and father can begin to view this relationship with jealousy because that relationship is often built by neglecting the two relationships that he is a part of. There are several ways to avoid marginalizing the husband in the family when the first child is born.
"Your mother (he was referring to my mother) made it sound very simple, 'You feed them, and he changes their diaper, and there you both have a relationship with the child.' While this answer is simple, it gets to a fundamentally strong suggestion, by allowing the father to help with daily regular chores with the child he can begin to develop a relationship with the child, and by giving his wife the time away from the child to recoup, she can spend additional time and is inspired to preserve her relationship with her husband."
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Love
What is love?
It is a question that has drawn much attention and debate over many centuries. Even today, people think that love means different things. Is there a right love and a wrong love? Are all loves the same? Are there different types of love? Can love last forever, or is it fleeting and temporary?
Love Leading into Marriage
When most people in western cultures think of love, they think of passion and the romance behind love. However, in eastern cultures like India, love is thought more of a commitment and sacrifice for the well-being of one's partner and family. Their marriages last much longer than the average two-year marriage of Americans. What do people in India have over Americans then? I think that most people in the U.S. get married with the idea that their marriage won't last--they lack true commitment. Then why even bother getting married? If people got married actually planning on never divorcing or giving up on their marriages, there would be a lot less broken families and unhappy children. Unfortunately, individualism is valued above all in the U.S., so until that changes, there won't be a decrease in the divorce rate anytime soon.
It is a question that has drawn much attention and debate over many centuries. Even today, people think that love means different things. Is there a right love and a wrong love? Are all loves the same? Are there different types of love? Can love last forever, or is it fleeting and temporary?
Love Leading into Marriage
When most people in western cultures think of love, they think of passion and the romance behind love. However, in eastern cultures like India, love is thought more of a commitment and sacrifice for the well-being of one's partner and family. Their marriages last much longer than the average two-year marriage of Americans. What do people in India have over Americans then? I think that most people in the U.S. get married with the idea that their marriage won't last--they lack true commitment. Then why even bother getting married? If people got married actually planning on never divorcing or giving up on their marriages, there would be a lot less broken families and unhappy children. Unfortunately, individualism is valued above all in the U.S., so until that changes, there won't be a decrease in the divorce rate anytime soon.
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